I suppose this is as good a time as any to update my journal.
What's been going on with me?
Everything.
Nothing.
JOY.
Disappointment.
It's like some kind of slow moving soap opera.

Thank the Lord (literally) I finally have a job! it pays basically the limit on what I can live on in a feild that I want to be- namely; advertising.

I however, do not work as a beautiful creative successful Director of art, but instead, waaaay at the back of the building, I'm being taught by a woman who just learned English (from Russia) to take her place in Data entry. And not monotonous stuff either (which I should be grateful for as well). I'm exhausted attempting to decipher her laungiuge, keep up with her directions, and then staying afloat with things to do. One slip up or wrong file will screw up their system and make our pitch men (those who look at my data, analyze it and present it to clients) look silly.

I feel a lot of pressure and very little help. They tell me once and expect me to know it. I'm sure it's a system I can learn but only with ...time.

Yesterday she taught me to do X and this afternoon asked me to do it and left. I sat with a pile of multi-colored folders in my lap and no clue where to start. I did my best not to tear up as I scoured the system and my notes for any hint of the direction i was supposed to take. If you are bored reading this, you can skip on. BUt it feels good to me to write it out. I can understand better how I feel about all this.

For Months I've been begging, pleading, praying, and desperately applying for some agency that will have me . And this one has. With the vague promise that I will someday move up if I do it right, I feel a desperate need for escape and creative release. I know I always said I liked research, and I do! But this is hard on my little brain. This is business- not problem solving.

I want to create and breath but I just can't right now.

I really miss my DA subscription.

ARG! What a vain. selfish little thing I am. Look at all I've been given! I have a beautiful apartment, sweet roommates, good friends, Good (older) friends, lots of support, and a job I can call my own to help me get on my feet.

I want to go shopping for furniture and get back my subscription here. I want to get netflix to fill my time and an N64 to make me smile. I guess I don't need those things at al. I'm just feeling impatient for my life to....

START!

but it has...just not..the way i expected i guess.

Bad girl.

Bad selfish vain girl.


-----Contest!------
For those of you who care I AM holding a contest:

Make for me a cute Avatar. I'm sick of this noe but I can't make one better!! HELP! Doesn't have to be complex or original. I just need one less thing on my mind.

The winner gets to pick the Subject of the next Doujin I do. (and maybe pick the story-line (it depends))

The deadline is FEB 14. Cause I feel like it.

Oh dreaded Valentines day!!