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About Me Member Conceptual Artist vbabe1Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 5 Years
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deviantID

Uncute

Thu Jun 11, 2009, 9:39 AM
  • Mood: Shame
  • Listening to: Hope it gives you Hell
  • Reading: The animaid forums
  • Watching: The genvid forums
  • Playing: self-pity
  • Eating: a dry bagel
  • Drinking: vanila cream soda
Everyone- pretty, or pretty ugly- has self imaging problems.
I don't really care that I'm thin. It doesn't mean much, in fact I might be TOO thin. Boney and pale and weak. My nose is long and my hair is always too stringy or limp falling out. it's so thin that when I pull it into a pony tail it looks like I have no hair at all. I have dark shadows under my eyes which is really bad because my skin is pale and a little splotchy. My jaw is square and there is a sadness and a forced style to my smile when I'm in for pictures on the one exception of candid photos. But my parents never took pictures of us when we were young or growing up. It was too sad a time to try and remember it I guess.

Sometimes I'll look at myself in the mirror and I smile and I AM pretty. I have bright eyes and clean skin and my hair is pulled into a fashionable high messy pony, a long neck and pretty mouth. I am happy. but by the time I end the day I find my hair has sunk, my makeup has begun to run under my eyes, and I've been running around with a stain on my jacket.

What is WRONG with me? I never seem to compare to the rest of the world. I'm not photogenic. That's not really up for debate. Unless you want to argue that I'm just that hideous all the time and I just don't know it. But I don't think thats true because when I don't KNOW the picture is being taken, I look fine. That helps me know I have real judgment. I CAN look cute- i just don't.

So I'm in a maid cafe and I just keeeeeeeeep failing. I'm surrounded by these SUPER kawaii girls who are Asian and short and petite and sweet. anime boys love that. not me. Not this tall, blond, European, loud-mouth. Worse, they took PICTURES. and once again, I epic fail. and it's there for the whole world to see and compare me to the other maids. Even my Aino chan is a vision and I'm just not. I'm just NOT PRETTY. How could *I* every think that I could fill the role of a Otaku's fantasy? I'll be the maid that the table will think- 'I wish I had had that other one...why'd we get the white girl?'

I have lived a long time without a boyfriend. and I have been very content. Happy almost that I'm not stuck with a wart like my last boyfriend. Dope. I hated being tied down to one dope all the time. That was years ago. and I've never really had a craving for a boyfriend in my life. Almost the contrary- who would want to be with someone like me? I should improve my life so as to make myself the kind of girl that my kind of guy would want to be with. I still stick to that but now...

I really wish I had someone I was crazy about who was crazy about me. So I would never worry about being pretty. Because I'd have him to tell me otherwise. and if HE likes me and HE think I’m pretty then screw the rest of the world.

and it hurts to be alone.
and to see pictures of myself that look so sad.

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Los Angeles, So. Cal
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: small adult ^^
  • Interests: Advertising, video editing, finger dancing. XO Not etchi!
  • Favourite movie: Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
  • Favourite band or musician: Simple plan? I dunno...
  • Favourite genre of music: Classical and rock combined. ^^
  • Favourite artist: Norman Rockwell
  • Favourite poet or writer: Whitney
  • Favourite photographer: Katie Rassmusen
  • Operating System: Emac "Jillaine"
  • MP3 player of choice: Ipod...duh
  • Shell of choice: marble!
  • Wallpaper of choice: sailor V
  • Skin of choice: racisT!?
  • Favourite game: Shwip!
  • Favourite gaming platform: Atari! Centepeed!
  • Favourite cartoon character: Minako-san/Sailor Venus/V
  • Personal Quote: let's not be quioxotic.- I have none.
  • Tools of the Trade: APS & AI on Jillaine and my lovly pencil!

deviantART Notice

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Comments


Thank you, thank you for the fabulous faving of, "A Poem For Billy Mays" :glomp:

Lovely gallery, by the way.

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she asks for a love interest
and you give her a 500 year old retarded vampire.
thanks for the fav^^ ~♥

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:kitty: :butterflytwo: :star: :damphyr: If you like cosplay, come to see my galerie^^ :damphyr: :star: :butterflytwo: :kitty:
Too Too!

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If I can't get my internet at least 3 times a day I get a little antsy and start slugging people in the face on impulse.


...He TRIIIED to kill me with a forklift! :sing:
Thanks for the :+devwatch: :hug:

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:bulletpink: Member of *CSS-Babes

"Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide,
in a champagne supernova in the sky ..."
Hidden by Owner
It was Oh-too-natural. :) it's your fault for being too good. ^^

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If I can't get my internet at least 3 times a day I get a little antsy and start slugging people in the face on impulse.


...He TRIIIED to kill me with a forklift! :sing:
:thanks: :hug:

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:bulletpink: Member of *CSS-Babes

"Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide,
in a champagne supernova in the sky ..."
Hidden by Owner
THIS IS A HUG CERTIFICATE ! !

Send one to all your friends who you think deserve a hug (which, hopefully includes the person who sent it to you)!!

You might send it to your enemies as well!
It'll really make them stop and think!!!

If you don't receive this back, nobody likes you, and they wish you'd stop bugging them!

If you receive this back 1 time, open up! Find more friends, enemies, or enemies pretending to be friends

If you receive this back 2 times, you're off to a good start! (Unless you sent it to yourself! That's cheating!)

If you receive this back 3 times, you're a good friend.

If you receive this back 4 times, you're truly loved as a friend!!

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YOU'VE BEEN HUGGED!

Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)

RULES:
1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 6 other people, at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their user page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!

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Fan Of:
Anime
Manga
Yuri
Yaoi
Shota
Hentai

I Am A Girl [Woot for Weirdness! ^O^]
Thanks for the fav ^_^

--
Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be the way

~ X Japan

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